4 Mar

22:59

Theraoy was.. weird today... it kinda just made me feel more ashamed of myself... and like i really am some big sex monster or smth I know i have agency in my actions and that i can never really get rid of these thoughts, but i wish she had given me a bit more than basically cutting anything sexual ever out of my life

2 Mar

22:59

god i just wanna delete all my socials i just wanna die online i just want to not exist everyone hates me, i know they do, i know they hate everything i post they all wanna see me crash and burn they all want me dead no one likes me no one likes me god why am i alive please kill me i can't take this anymore i don't wanna be internet famous i want to be remembered fondly i just want to go away

15:07

an artist i really like retweeted my animation, life has meaning again

23 Feb

20:13

i was looking over cate wurtz social media and i had a striking sense of "OH MY GOD MY LIFE IS GOING NOWHERE IM SO BORING I HAVE NO DIRECTION IN LIFE I DONT KNOW WHAT I'M DOING" even though none of that is really true. I guess i feel to do drugs or runaway or smth to feel like my life is interesting to others sometimes

18:39

My husky plush is done drying i'm reunited with him again uwaaa

13:19

why did NO ONE in the house bother to not let the cat that was MISSING, LEAVE the house again ???

00:20

i draw way too much this shit takin so long to upload

18 Feb

00:27

i am full of love i am loved and i love all

15 Feb

19:15

i hurt my ankle really bad

14 Feb

22:58

eddyatoms complimented my site i can die happy

13 Feb

23:05

Pent up pup's music actually sounds so horrendous to me i cannot comprehend why someone would enjoy something so shallow, that tries so hard to convince you it isn't.

12 Feb

23:05

I really hope they add better tweening functionality to pencil2d outside of the camera (and maybe a better selection too too...)

Relearning how to read for fun its horrible.

11 Feb

19:17

I harbour so much anger because no matter how hard i try everyone is always so mean to me. I'm DONE putting up with people's bullshit just because they think i'll always be there, I WONT, APPRECIATE ME FOR GODS SAKE. I'm so tired of working hard and never seeing anything for it, it's fucking infuriating !!!

19:08

They finally fixed the discrepancy between my paypal and bank account so I can draw money directly from my paypal instead of having to go through my dad anymore :)

16:40

It kiiinda makes me feel ill having someone say the sfw art i draw of child characters will be portrayed as kink material just because they have pacefiers but i'm a big boy and understand this is the current online climate and i will just acknowledge and not post it in that server ig!!!

16:35

I love daniel johnston

4 Feb

22:45

bro just learned what css psuedo-classes are and it's NOT gonna shut up abt them

13:55

being autistic online feels like hell sometimes

3 Feb

17:08

I turned off my twitter notifs.... it's so quiet now...

11:17

thinking about the nsfw i posted and what i exactly want to do with that genre of art on my page. I don't want to make it impossible for me to make anything like it, but I also don't want it to become my entire identity as a watamote fanartist. I may not make anymore for the time being and resume to "normal" art. I just don't want it to superseed my honest love for this piece of media yk. I don't even get aroused when I draw the stuff, it's mostly just seeing myself in the art or wondering if it's in character for Tomoko. I can't deny she is a very lewd character in her thoughts and actions towards others but it's usually implied rather than explicitly depicted. Not sure how i full feel on the whole thing. I don't want people to get the wrong idea that I'm being forced to make that kinda art or that I don't like it, I just want the option to make whatever art I want without being judged for it. I usually keep sexual content on my profile to a minimum (it's why i don't rt most suggestive/nsfw watamote fanart) because it's something i prefer to keep to myself if that makes sense. This art allows me to dip my toes into that stuff without fully committing. I don't want people who like my cute art to feel gross or bad that I draw nsfw, I want them to be able to not see it. I could make an alt but I already have so many at this point... Not sure the best way to go about this but TLDR: I want people to enjoy my watamote fanart without restricting what I should or shouldn't be making.

2 Feb

22:18

i keep forgetting the nsfw I posted today and I keep being like OMG I POSTED IT TO THE WRONG ACC but I did not, it's meant to be there

19 Jan

09:14

Schedule for this week:

01:31

I can't fucking sleep because of my throat irritation GRRR

5 Jan

15:15

I wish there were more variation is fursuits, it's either like 1 or 100 on stylization

5 Jan

13:39

I'm hoping to set aside some time after the shop launch to dedicate to my site, it's just been hard getting back into it even tho i love coding sm !

18 Dec

15:04

The polycule got the beastars dynamic that's wild

22 Nov

22:32

I feel like everyone in the anime fanart sphere on twitter and instagram n tiktok are all friends with eachother except for me :( idk how to talk to them i don't like texting 1 on 1...

20 Nov

00:09

I kind of hope uhh my bf stops playing this 1 game, it's just really frustrating to see him spend every waking hour on it and not with my but idk if that's just my jealousy lol, I'm pretty high needs rn. I'm glad he enjoys it sm tho

18 Nov

16:08

Sometimes I look back at my old messages with my groomer. I just look at them, and read them on repeat, willing it to have never happened.

17 Nov

16:08

Will probably move all my nsfw links n stuff to my sin gallery page, since most of them pretain to my art and so it's not something ppl see immediately after scanning my qr code lmao

16 Nov

16:08

I can't watch people enjoy concerts, it makes me too sad to know I'll never see my favourite music artists like that

3 Nov

20:33

If I fail this exam it was not for lack of trying. God please let me pass it please please I've tried so hard

2 Nov

18:54

I feel awful and I miss my boyfriends. I know I shouldn't talk to him but I don't know what else to do anymore this is all too much.

1 Nov

19:31

I wish shows utilized silence over dialogue better. Sometimes less is more and a moment in silence can convey something way better than words. This isn't even show don't tell, it's more like, let an emotion or scene or line sit for a bit for it to really impact the audience. I think shows that did this rlly well were sonny boy and adventure time to name 2

31 Oct

19:38

I studied, took a nap, and woke up in horrid pain. I'm dying

30 Oct

17:16

I might actually throw up I cannot handle all of this right now. I'm gonna sleep and go from there

13:30

Watching Yuki while I work on an Aqua plushie is so funny :P

12:09

Looking up autistic vlog to find likeminded people was a terrible idea. It's either all girls, diagnosis videos (i'm clinically diagnosed already so), or it's fucking "SEVERE AUTISM VS NORMAL AUTISM VS NORMAL CHILD" ass videos, made me feel worse than before i looked sighhh

28 Oct

18:52

Feeling boyfriend withdrawal :( !!!!!
in other news my vlog is finally exporting and I coded my timetable :D !!! Hopefully gonna do some more frame stuff for quality of life coding :p I wish more people coded sites rahhhhh

27 Oct

07:59

Sometimes i watch introvert diary / slice of life vlogs so I can feel like my life is more in control than it is through them. In other news I'm not talking to anyone until my exams are done because I cannot handle interacting with people right now :( this includes my bf

9 Oct

07:59

Until I finish doing my gallery I'll just put art here sometimes soo..... have this scene !!! I heavily referenced a pic for the bg but changed it enough i think lol (the gay furries definitely helped lol) so enjoy looking at it ! I'll make a better scan some time in the future

30 Sept

07:59

Been doing this art practical exam for 2 days now, it's actually not that bad being there at all. This is to say on the weekends, I haven't gone when school's actually taking place until today! Kind of nerve wracking considering I'm the only person in civvies. In the classroom it's chill though, we all just draw and keep to ourselves mostly :3 I really hope I can finish today. P.S for me, check when my appointment with Lisa is !!!!!

23 Sept

21:12

oh we are SO back

11:44

I literally have no idea what's going on with my design practical final and I'm highkey worrying like hell !! HELP ME !!!!

22 Sept

16:07

do ppl seriously not understand how headcanons work ? like the whole point is you know it's not canon but it's how you choose to believe the story go/ would have wanted to go. Idk why ppl get so mad about people having them like it literally is a HEAD canon IN YOUR HEAD THAT ONLY YOU HAVE ??? idk maybe it's a disconnect with how ppl think. I also saw this with some watamote fans where I'm not allowed to think a character is trans personally because it's not 10000% confirmed, when that's not why I'm even thinking it, it's for fun ! and to see myself in my fav character ! get a grip the world doesn't revolve around what you think is canon (that's kinda the point of HEADcanons)

14:59

pony tries sewing over a needle one time regrets it forever

PEPPERONI PIZZA ENJOYERS DO NOT INTERACT !!!!

19 Sept

19:07

holy shit touhou 6 is so much easier when it's not at 2000x speed

15:40

i'm so tired of having to justify my life to other people when i can't even justify a reason to live to myself, i don't care about your approval i just don't wanna kill myself please be nice for once !!!!

10:37

maybe i'll just stay here forever and never go back to my social medias, i don't belong there cuz i was born in SA, no one wants me there

10:19

The shipping for the plushie is gonna be $500 to get to me !! I don't have that kind of money !!! Ending it all !!!!! Like I can't do that AND cover the production cost AND cover the shipping to send to the customers :(((((

18 Sept

22:10

trying my damn hardest to get into touhou lol

14:18

going to tutors now, let's see if I'm fundamentally broken or whatever :p

13:51

The production fee is so expensive rahhh, i wish i sold more plushie preorders :((

17 Sept

19:37

i finished all the sketches for my 20 icons commission :D

also got a comm from some repeat customers, nyehehe moneys :P

i saw the dogman trailer today omggg I'M SO EXCITED !!!!

17:28

erm I made my therapist cry with my journal entry oopsy :3

My plushies also arrived at the post office and I picked them up today (as well as sending out some orders)

i hope my hiatus doesn't kill my accounts too much qwq

13:36

depression is so weird like wdym all I do is jork it and feel sad ??? Anyways I can be extra miserable today since I have therapy /j

12:20

world's most useless pony (me) lies in bed after sorting keychains, due to a tummy ache

09:47

going to my old (traumatizing) school tmr to sort out when I'm working on my art finals. hate it here !!!

i got some suspiciously tomoko-uniform looking yellow fleece today
wonder what that'll be for...

09:31

Working hard with my helpful assistant